Gone with the Plane

My luggage glared at me, sitting in the middle of the living room of my house, packed and ready to go. My whole family was home, despite the fact that it was the middle of a weekday. Time was all too quickly ticking down to the moment where we would all pile into the car and drive to the airport to send me off to Malawi for the next nine months. It was then that I realized I didn’t want to go to Malawi anymore. I had just returned from a summer away from home after a very busy school year. I was tired. I wanted to stay home and see my family for a while. I didn’t want to go teach. I didn’t want to say goodbye and leave. But my plane ticket was paid for and I had students, eager to learn, waiting for me in Malawi. So, with a heavy heart I said my goodbyes and boarded the plane, desperately fighting the tears that threatened to spill over the borders of my eyes. What happened to the excitement I had felt months earlier when my childhood dream of going to Africa as a student missionary started to become a reality? Maybe it would have better been left a dream, I thought to myself as my flight took me miles and miles away from everybody I knew and loved.

Traditional native dresses that the school made for us :)

That was nine months ago. Now, in the blink of an eye, I’m gone. A whirlwind of programs, dress fittings, potlucks, packing, presents, and goodbyes rushed past me as I tried desperately to make the most of each moment I had until the plane threatened to take me away. All too quickly, the days ran out, suddenly the rush was over, and I’m gone. Those same suitcases, filled with different items now, sit in my room, awaiting the next leg of my journey home. I know I packed everything, yet I still have that terrible feeling that I’ve left something very important behind. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t ready to leave. I wasn’t ready for my time there to be over. What about all the things I never got to do, never got to help with? What about my students? Already, I am kilometers and kilometers away from the people I know and love in Malawi, and I don’t like that fact. I’ve figured out why I feel like I left something behind. My heart is no longer in my chest; it’s in Africa with all my friends there. This whole leaving business just feels so incredibly wrong.

Needless to say, I’m glad my dream became reality. I am so thankful that I’ve had this opportunity, this experience, this joy. I would not trade the past nine months for anything in the world. I’m going to miss everybody more than I can describe, I already do; but I will see them again, if not on this planet, then in heaven.